Aw, snap.

Life stuff continues...  Jason's job search, new health issues, learning to discipline a newly defiant short person, the normal 'business' of life that clouds my mind and allows me to fall into a habit of self-focus.   Not the good kind of introspective, fruitful self-focus - more of the "oh, I'm too busy 'doing' to pay attention to what I might be 'doing' wrong". 

This morning at church, though - it was one of those Sunday's where you would SWEAR that the lights in the room were slowly fading, while a white-hot spotlight shone down on your head.  You start to sweat, but you can't stop listening because...  aw, snap...  God's talking to you with this one.  

*throws tantrum*

Feeling convicted about something is a blessing, it's refreshing and renewing when you hear God clearly speaking to your heart.  But can I be honest?  Sometimes I'm not in the mood.  Fallen human with crappy free will and all that stuff. 

But I heard Him.  Jason heard Him, too.  The topic was timely, so I'm sure a lot of people in the room heard Him - but that doesn't let me off the hook.   

To summize, in an effort to hold myself accountable - 

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the decision of the LORD that endures. Ps 19:21

Yes, I know that it's ultimately up to Him...  and it always turns out much better that way, but I've been fairly pissy lately that I can't seem to get things back on "track" with regard to how I "plan" for our life to be.  

"Worrying, 'control-freak'ism, etc  is sin".   

Yes, I knew that, too.  But it doesn't stop me from allowing it to overwhelm my mind.  

I don't remember the exact anecdote he told, but I'll paraphrase it by saying 'even if your life isn't what you "planned" it to be, you should still live it passionately". 

I think that for most of my adult life, I've been good about being passionate about my life.  Now?  Far from it.  And what sense does that make?  Do I not have MORE to be passionate about, now than ever?  That sweet, yet defiant, short person I spoke of earlier?  She evokes in me a passion to be better all the time.  Why can't I apply that to all aspects of my life, and recognize that His plan for my life is so ultimately good - that it DESERVES my passion.  Who am I to even question?

I find myself looking at the situation we're in - Jason out of work for over four months now, despite his best efforts - and tend to see it in a poor light.  But really?  The facts of the situation?  How incredibly BLESSED are we that this happened at a time when we were able to make it work?  We haven't had a single late payment on any bill, Charlotte had a fantastic birthday/Christmas, and I'm still able to keep my workload to a part-time status so that my primary focus can be Being her Mommy.  Is it tight?  Ha!  Yes.  Could this go on indefinitely?  I wouldn't think so.  But for now - He's making it work somehow.  Beyond the math, right?  On top of that, I'm slowly living my dream - and my photography business gets a little bit bigger each day.  

Jason actually has a good lead on a job that we should have a final answer on this week.  It's a great company, with fantastic room for upward growth and development... but the starting point is about half of what he was making previously.  In Jeff's sermon today, he actually told a story of a family who found themselves in that exact situation, interestingly enough.   The starting point has been a source of discomfort for us, but I think this is exactly the type of situation that we should be passionate about.  Is it enough to put food on our table, keep the roof over our head, and allow me to continue to stay home?  Yes!  And beyond that - he shouldn't find himself working 60 hours a week like he was at the previous job.  God is good.  And wise.  And He knows what we need when we so often don't.  

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Toddlers, babies and families - oh my!

I'm so behind, so I'm just going to put up some of my faves from the last week or so.  I had the pleasure of doing a 4-generation session with Katie, a newborn session with Christy's sweet Emma Grace, and a family session with the Garcia's.  I couldn't pick a favorite if I tried!

Charlotte & Levi go to the zoo!

Random Post about Random Stuff

I've had several rate requests lately, and have been working on the logistics of all of that - well, it's done... so if you were one of those asking, or if you had sent my info on to a friend, let me know so that I can get the right info to you.  And I love you.  Really.  I do.  Hard.  

I've registered the domains for my site, and know what I want to do and who I want to do it - but I've been kind of swamped with other life stuff.  If you went to it now you'd see a bunch of fascinating blinking ads that have nothing to do with me.  So I'm not going to bother even sharing the address.  I'll definitely post once it's ready, though.  

In other news, I somehow let my sister rope me into watching the Bachelorette last season, which bled into me watching the Bachelor THIS season (you know, because I had to see jilted Jason find his one true love) - and now I'm just annoyed.  Unless you live under a rock, you  know that there's some kind of rediculous drama going on with the whole thing - and here I am.  Hook in mouth.  I can't believe I let Ashley do this to me.

Jason had a job interview last week that seems to have gone really well, for a job that sounds great...  it'd better work out because he got a speeding ticket on the way there.  

Know what's funny?  Let me tell you what's funny.  If you have the same annoying telemarketer "charities" calling your house every.single.day. (*cough cough* state trooper association *cough cough*), and you have a screeching, angry, whiny baby who is cutting her top two teeth....  let her answer the phone.  Now their ears are bleeding, too.  

Oh!  And know what's FUN?  Watching your sweet girl's little brain grow and grow and grow.  Charlotte's favorite game is her flash cards - and while she can't say very many of the words yet, she knows so many of them!  I knew she'd know cat, dog, frog, fish, etc pretty easily - because she sees those everywhere, but she's getting the hard ones! You can dump the whole box in a pile and say "show me 'swim'"... and she will.  She can dig through and find the green crayon, the red crayon, the strawberries, the bananas, the girl, the boat, the snake, the bugs, etc - but I'm still most impressed with 'swim.'   

Speaking of the noisy little monster... guess who's up from her nap?

My ears are bleeding.

Yours probably are too.  Surely everyone on the planet can hear the screeching that seems to constantly be coming out of the sweet lips of my sweet baby. 

This will stop when that tooth breaks through, right?