Charlotte says good morning!

She looks a little crazy when she wakes up.  
And a little Asian....

One snapshot can tell a story, and proof that I do exist.

(I swiped this from Jason's aunt's Myspace).

It's 4 generations....   

Jason's Grandpa Duck, whom Charlotte's middle name is after - he's probably one of the sweetest people on the planet.  Jason's dad, who (as you can tell from this picture) is totally smitten with her, Jason and Charlotte - who is stuffed to the gills with Thanksgiving yumminess, and in a total tryptophan coma.  

Oh, and look!  Charlotte does have a Mommy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Charlotte is thankful that one day - she'll be able to dress herself, and Mommy won't be picking out her clothes anymore.

***eta: Considering how sick Charlotte is - she had so much fun today!   She loves being around people and felt super comfortable at her Aunt Mimi's house.

Random post.

I'm usually kind of indifferent about Thanksgiving day food, despite the fact that my mother is an amazing cook.  

The past few years, we've been going to Jason's dad's side of the family - it's the one holiday we spend with them, and for some reason - this year, I can.not.wait to eat some turkey.  My mouth is watering.  Jason's grandma makes great dressing, I'm bringing some Paula Dean mac & cheese and some homemade cranberry sauce...  

Maybe it's the Shiraz, maybe it's the sick baby we've been dealing with, maybe it's the stress from the loss of Jason's job... whatever it is, bring it.  

Wordless Wednesday... with an acronym and a dramatic sigh.

RSV.  

ETA words: Yes, she has RSV - and that earns her the right to eat her dinner in her diaper, on the couch, in front of Veggie Tales. 

She gets faster everyday.

I took this video the day before yesterday - and since then, she's about 3x as fast... despite having the "cold of death and doom" as I've taken to calling it.  Cough, sneeze, sniffle, snot bubble, cling, cry, fuss...  rinse & repeat.   She does have moments where she feels better and plays herself into a stupor, though...  usually with this walker (Thank you, Auntie Mir & Prestley!).   Daddy was just telling me this morning "She keeps rubbing her face on my shirt and leaving snot tracks behind"...  I explained it's a badge of honor, and it means she loves him. :o)

*** and I know I've missed a couple of days in the NaBlogPoMo thing - but given what our family has gone through, and how crappy I usually am, I'm doing GREAT!  lol. 

Now's your chance... win an Ergo!

My personal current love is my Beco Butterfly (this is the one I have, same print) - but I'd love to add an Ergo to my collection.  With Jason's back (and mine hurts too!) a good carrier is important.  We can't just go with a Bjorn because the weight distribution isn't good.  Charlotte also isn't as comfy in a structured carrier like a Bjorn, so those of you looking for options - I highly recommend either one of these! Both work front/back.

Beco Butterfly, in the Emma print

Ergo Carrier

Along For the Ride is giving away an embroidered one! 

 Enter now!  With my name, preferably.  Ha!

If I knew then, what I know now....

Sometimes I'll stumble across a photo of myself, from when I was younger and it makes me sad.  Not because I feel old, or anything like that, but because I was so freaking stupid.  I had a horrible body image growing up, always feeling like the token "fat friend" - but I can see now, that couldn't have been further from the truth.  There was nothing wrong with my body, and if I could just go back in time and shake some sense into 16 year old me, I totally would.  What a waste.  

I really, really want to make a concentrated effort to ensure that Charlotte doesn't have the same issues.  I don't know if the blame fell on my twisted teenage hormones, society and it's oversexualization, or if I'm just plain crazy in the head.  Whatever it was, I don't want her to have it.  I wish I could invest in a bubble for her.  

I'd also like to go back in time and tell 16 year old Allison that A) he really isn't the "one" so skip the drama while you can and B) the friends you suspect are really the ones for life? They are, and your best times are to come - so quit trying to grow up too soon.  

Here's the photo that sparked these thoughts....  my friend, Julie, posted it on her Myspace and besides all the regret about that stuff mentioned above - it was good for a laugh about our outfits, and fun to remember going out together.   Long live the 90's.

What would you tell 16 year old you?

wordless wednesday

discipline for the undisciplined

I realize that Charlotte is still young, and probably doesn't understand the majority of what I tell her - but since she is mobile, and capable of getting herself into a new dangerous situation each and every day, the "Charlotte - NO MA'AM!" 's have been flying left and right these days.  

When I see her going towards something that she shouldn't (we have things pretty well baby-proofed, but there are still areas that just have to be left vulnerable, and she has to learn with SOMETHING) I grit my teeth, put on my best "mean mommy" face and sternly declare, "Charlotte, no ma'am!  That's a no-touch."  or something similar.  I try to sound firm, and authoritative, but it never fails... she'll turn her head and look at me, and I crack up.  She's not making a particularly funny face, or even reacting at all to be honest - but I can.not.keep.a.straight.face.  What gives?  It's totally a case of innappropriate giggling.  Like at a funeral, or during a lecture at school...  I try to contain it, and I can't.  How is she ever going to develop a reactionary response to my "bad girl" tone if it's followed up by giggles?  And why am I even laughing?  There's nothing really amusing or even interesting about her playing with DVD's.  I can't figure out why it triggers my laughter.  

Hopefully I can reign in the laughter before she's out of control.  

As a random note, in a matter of a week Charlotte shifted from 4 one hour naps a day, to two 2 hour naps a day.  It's not that she's sleeping more, but it feels like she is... I feel like we get more fun time AND more nap time, somehow.  Love it.  

Oh! And since her Daddy is home....  grrrrr.  I understand that he loves the warm fuzzies that come from rocking his sweet baby to sleep, but that is NOT how she needs to go down for a nap.  She'll fall asleep all right, but so does he.  Then 30 mins later he wakes up, goes to lay her down - she wakes up, and the whole nap is ruined.  I lectured him today that while I really appreciate how affectionate he is towards her, Momma makes the rules on this one and that behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud.  She was a total pissy-McCrankypants this evening and it had everything to do with the craptastic nap that Mr. Warm & Fuzzy put her down for this afternoon.  

There are worse things than your husband loving your baby, though.  

BFF's!!!

The night of my surprise party, Miranda and I dropped Prestley and Charlotte off at the sitter's together, with matching pajamas.  Charlotte wasn't real fond of being in a strange place, and was supremely overtired.  She ended up melting down, but sweet Prestley was there to console her.  

The sitter sent us these pictures...

Update on our fun little situation

Well, maybe it's not so fun - but it is what it is.

As far as a severence package - if there is one, we haven't been told about it. And there was no notice, it was effective immediately. We still haven't received payment from when he was on short-term disability for his last back surgery, and that whole situation pretty much wiped out our savings.

BUT... (and this is the good part) it's so interesting how things are playing out. Obviously he doesn't have another job yet (it's only Sunday), but we can already see God's hands in the situation - and the amazing creativity that he's using to take care of us. We've been helping and working on other completely unrelated situations for years now, and all of the sudden - those situations are directly coming to a head in ways that are amazing. I know, that's totally cryptic, and I apologize, but really - God is incredible.

We've spent the weekend at my Dad's house, kind of a "retreat" if you will, just to give us the opportunity to clear our heads and renew our hearts/minds. My Dad is still in Iraq, but my stepmom is here and she does such a phenomenal job of helping with the baby, and of feeding us. If there were an award for homemade fried chicken, mashed potatoes, etc - she would win it. And probably my favorite part, coffee and breakfast are in the works when I wake up. We will head home tomorrow ready to rework Jason's resume and start moving forward.

It is alarming, though, how many others are going through the same situation. Several people we know lost their job the same week as Jason, and some even the same day. Texas is supposedly doing relatively well, still. My heart breaks for the states that AREN'T doing well.

Anyhow, thanks for the prayers. Like I said - we'll be okay somehow. We may live on Ramen, eating in the dark - but they can't take our birthday away. :o)

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to post everyday...

Today was hard. 

Jason lost his job. 

We'll be okay, we'll figure something out.  But prayers would be appreciated.  My main concern is getting insurance for our family. 

This is a good one.

Tonight Charlotte was sooooooooooooo tired, and Mommy was getting very frustrated. She'd done nothing but whinewhinewhinewhine before dinner, through dinner, after dinner... I contemplated skipping her bath completely and just putting her to bed, but Daddy was on his way home and I knew he'd want to tuck her in. 

I'm so glad I gave her the bath. This was JUST what my spirit needed, and completely turned my evening around.  Oh!  And my favorite part?  At the end, where she almost falls...

Wordless Wednesday

"Arrrgh, I'm a pirate!"

Crap, I missed one.

I'll post two today, to compensate - and I swear, it will never happen again.  (I hope). 

I was reading my friend Joy's blog about cleaning and being overwhelmed, and it reminded me of something that happened last night.

The following is NOT a dramatic reenactment.  Nothing has been exaggerated.

It's a rainy evening in the Duckworth household, and the place is such a mess that Mom just can NOT be bothered to cook a proper meal.  Soup and sandwiches it will be.

She gets out the bread, the meat, the cheese, etc.  Plan is grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches, organic fancy soup in one of those boxes. 

Starts to build the sandwich - cheddar is moldy.  *sigh*  Tosses in trash. Gets out pepper jack instead.   Opens package of turkey, notices it's out of date.  *bigger sigh* Into trash.  Fine. Plain grilled cheese, then. 

Gets out box of soup and pan to warm in.  Notices soup is out of date.  *not even sighing anymore*.  Tosses into trash.  Grabs box of fancy corn soup in box.  Also out of date.  Into trash.  Black bean and red pepper soup?  Yep, out of date.  *slams box of soup into trash*

Decides to warm can of fancy organic black bean chili.  Grabs can - Yay! Not out of date!.  Pours in pan.  Gets out sour cream and diced onions to put on top.  Opens sour cream - moldy. 

*makes a dramatic, exasperated noise, throws sour cream in the sink, runs away from home and never comes back*

Today's meal: crackers and water.

(In my defense, I just bought most of that stuff in the last month or so).

Happy Birthday to Meeeee....

I'm officially 30 years and three days old now... my 20's are slowly fading in the rearview mirror.  But the more I think about it - the more excited I get.  I was telling some friends the other day that I feel like my 30's will be a more "purposefull" decade than my 20's.  Less about me, and more about the things that I care about - my husband, my daughter, my walk with Christ....

Jason, Miranda & Brenda conspired together and threw me a surprise party on Friday night.  We'd gone to a lovely dinner at Brio where I ate until I nearly burst, then topped my meal off with my traditional birthday chocolate martini.  The plan was to go back to the Stovall's for game night - which Miranda had manipulated into the plan, in such a way that it was actually my idea.  I walked into their super dark house, not suspecting a thing - then practically peed my pants when 10 or so of my friends SCREAMED and jumped out at me.  As the girl who hasn't gone into a haunted house since she was 21 or so, because I tend to be on the anxious side, my heart literally skipped a beat.  It was so sweet, though!

And for a gift, Jason truly outdid himself.  I wasn't expecting anything because of some mutual purchases we'd recently made - but he surprised me with a new lens for my camera that I'd talked about owning "someday"....  as in, 10 years from now when I saved up enough money to buy it. 

I still don't know how to use it, I've only played with it once - it's a 100mm macro and it will take a while for my skill level to be what it deserves, but here are a few shots from my first "playdate" with it and Charlotte, this afternoon. 

Well THAT would be helpful.

At dinner this evening, to honor the lovely Suzanne turning 30 (she's 24 hours younger than myself), my dear friends asked me, "so what IS Nablopomo, anyhow?"  It made me realized I never gave any details. 

NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month, covered in more detail at www.nablopomo.com.  It's really just a challenge to help floundering (and not so floundering) bloggers solidify the habit.  

And that, my friends, is my post for today. 

/coming in at 11:30 or so.

First answer...

Leave it to Sheri to bring the hard questions, lol. 

I'll answer them all later (maybe tomorrow), as I'm short on time today (we're going out for an adult meal, to celebrate my finally being an adult, at 30) - but I'll start with Nicole's. 

She asked what my first assignment would be, if I worked for National Geographic (a reference to how I used to dream of being a photographer for them).  In the frame of mind I'm in right now - it'd better be somewhere tropical with adult beverages.

But seriously, I think my first assignment would be to cover the orphanages in Haiti.  At one point in my adult life, I had felt like maybe I was being called to go work there, with the Hands & Feet project.  I still would love to do that someday. 

Gratuitous Charlotte photo:

The tumbleweed rolls by...

And you can hear that familiar harmonica tune, that brings to mind being on a horse - alone in the desert. 

That's how my mind feels. 

I don't know what to blog about today.

So I need help - comment and ask me something, anything.

Wordless Wednesday

Charlotte didn't find the election all that exciting.  Yes, those are words - but the video is wordless. 

Ain't I a Woman?

Sojourner Truth (1797-1883): Ain't I A Woman?
Delivered 1851
Women's Convention, Akron, Ohio 

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say

Accentuating the Positive

I spent the majority of this election season working to concentrate on the things I agreed with, for each candidate, instead of the things I disagreed with.  My own little attempt at "accentuating the positive".  

So tonight, when all the numbers are in - I'm going to be excited regardless.  I cast my ballot, that's the most I can do to control the situation.

Either we'll have our first black president, or our first female vice president...  pretty cool for Charlotte's first election. 

Hit me with the firehose...

Because I've got the FEVER.  

I don't know where it came from, why it's here, how long it's going to stick around - or what to  make of it, but I really want another baby.

The past few days  it has popped into my mind over and over and over.  I know what our next baby will be (another girl), I know what she'll look like (a lot like Charlotte, but slightly darker hair, longer fingers, and no Jason-crazy-toe), and I know what her name will be (Harper).  

When the new PBK catalog came in the mail on Saturday, I was flipping through it and said to Jason (with a squeal) "Oh look at this! I love this!  This would look  GREAT in Harper's nursery!"

He pretends to think I've lost my mind, but he doesn't fool me.  I know he would knock me up in a heartbeat if I asked him to.  Or at least start the anxiety-ridden process of trying to.  He also gives me that look that says "Are you serious? Don't tease me... I'll call your bluff." 

I see pregnant bellies and where just a few months ago, I felt sympathy for them and how exhausting it is, carrying them around... I'm now starting to get that pang of jealousy.  I guess we're far enough out from it that I've forgotten how scary it is, how uncomfortable it can be, how tedious and stressful the pills and injections were that kept Charlotte growing and developing, the moment each week at our perinatologist appointments where we held our breath until we saw that yes - her heart was still beating.

But that's the thing... I'm not ready.  Charlotte's not ready.  We're not ready.  We're still getting to know HER.  She's not even a year old... I'm still nursing, for goodness sake! And I still say, at least once a day, "well I did just have a baby."   (Really?  Did I?  How long do you get to say that you "just had a baby?" That's a topic for a whole other post).

But when we are ready, I'm willing to bet it will be the Harper in my mind's eye.   Charlotte looks just like I thought she would (only her hair isn't quite as curly as I thought it would be... at least not all of it), and I knew she was a girl even when they said she probably wasn't.   It's just about 2 months until her first birthday...  I can hold out that long.  

I think.

Day 2 of NoBloPoMo

Am I out of things to write about already?  Is it only day 2 and I'm resorting to photos?

Maybe.

I'm constantly mesmerized by this little person living in our home.  Everyday it's something new. Case in point: This morning, we had to get to church early because it was our weekend to run the coffee shop.  The nursery staff wasn't there yet, though, so Charlotte and I went into the sanctuary with Rachel and Dealey to listen to the worship team practice.  Dealey was running around, showing off his impressive mobility - which included climbing up and down the steps to the stage.  Charlotte watches carefully, soaking it in, then crawls her little self over to the first step, pulls up to a stand, and starts trying to get her leg on the first step.

She thought she would just climb on up, like some kind of big kid.  

I don't know if she actually could've pulled it off or not because her sweet little legs were too short to get up there, so instead it was just an observance of an exercise in futility - but you could just see the gears in her head turning.  She's a person.  A real, live, breathing, thinking, risk-taking little person. 

I wonder how long it will be before I actually get used to that idea...

I said NaBloPoMo, Yo.

NaBloPoMo is starting - 30 blogs in 30 days, and my goal is to try and make at least a few of them about something other than what Charlotte did that day.  At least a few of them.  

I'm certain that each blog post will be more profound than the next, illiciting deep thought and intense conversation... life altering convictions and soul changing revelations.  Or maybe they'll just be completely random thoughts and observations.  

Whatever they end up being, here's the first  - and I only have 15 mins left of "today" to get it out. 

I'd like to point out a few things that irritate the c-r-a-p outta me. 

1. Daylight Savings Time:  My baby is going to wake up at 6am because of this crap.  It will probably take me 2-3 months to get the clock in my car changed, and I'll undoubtably screw up my station presets in the process.  Not because I'm technologically challenged, because I'm not.  It's actually because changing the time on an automobile clock is the most un-intuitive process, that always seems to require two hands, leaving none available to hold the wheel.  I think that counts as two things that bug the crap outta me, but whatever.

2. (or 3).  The Electoral College:  Really, need I elaborate on this one?  

3. Political Mudslinging:  If you watch the ads, and absorb their "messages" and are naive enough to believe that the ads are the whole truth and nothing but the truth - then we're screwed no matter WHO ends up the victor on Tuesday.

4. I procrastinated and wish-washed my oppportunity to vote early away.  Now I'm going to have to stand in line for who-knows-how-long, with a squirmy baby who will want to crawl on the floor of the municipal bldg and lick the shoes of whomever is lucky enough to be in line beside me, only to cast a vote that really only matters in theory because Texas always goes Red anyhow.

You should NaBloPoMo, too, Yo.  All the cool peeps are doing it.