Because I've got the FEVER.
I don't know where it came from, why it's here, how long it's going to stick around - or what to make of it, but I really want another baby.
The past few days it has popped into my mind over and over and over. I know what our next baby will be (another girl), I know what she'll look like (a lot like Charlotte, but slightly darker hair, longer fingers, and no Jason-crazy-toe), and I know what her name will be (Harper).
When the new PBK catalog came in the mail on Saturday, I was flipping through it and said to Jason (with a squeal) "Oh look at this! I love this! This would look GREAT in Harper's nursery!"
He pretends to think I've lost my mind, but he doesn't fool me. I know he would knock me up in a heartbeat if I asked him to. Or at least start the anxiety-ridden process of trying to. He also gives me that look that says "Are you serious? Don't tease me... I'll call your bluff."
I see pregnant bellies and where just a few months ago, I felt sympathy for them and how exhausting it is, carrying them around... I'm now starting to get that pang of jealousy. I guess we're far enough out from it that I've forgotten how scary it is, how uncomfortable it can be, how tedious and stressful the pills and injections were that kept Charlotte growing and developing, the moment each week at our perinatologist appointments where we held our breath until we saw that yes - her heart was still beating.
But that's the thing... I'm not ready. Charlotte's not ready. We're not ready. We're still getting to know HER. She's not even a year old... I'm still nursing, for goodness sake! And I still say, at least once a day, "well I did just have a baby." (Really? Did I? How long do you get to say that you "just had a baby?" That's a topic for a whole other post).
But when we are ready, I'm willing to bet it will be the Harper in my mind's eye. Charlotte looks just like I thought she would (only her hair isn't quite as curly as I thought it would be... at least not all of it), and I knew she was a girl even when they said she probably wasn't. It's just about 2 months until her first birthday... I can hold out that long.
I think.
7 comments:
*baby dust*
:right:
I've started to wonder when I'll get the baby fever again. I'm definitely NOT ready yet, but I know we don't want to wait toooooo long.
I totally hear you on starting to get fuzzy on how stressful my pregnancy with Thea was - and how sick I was. Funny how that happens...
But...here's some baby dust...for now...or later... :-)
I got it when ben was nine months and emily was here nine months later! it's a lot of fun!
Your post made me laugh out loud because:
1) Literally seconds ago, I said to my husband after getting super cute PBKids email "Pottery Barn is from Satan"...because it makes me want to massively over-spend and create a "dream nursery" for my girl....
2)My very next thought was about how my belly is so big I can barely reach the keyboard to type and wonder if I'll ever be the same after being in a perpetual state of pregnancy for two years!
Lots of love to you sista... enjoy the thoughts of "maybe" and relish every precious moment with your baby girl! (not that you need to be reminded of that)... surprises are fun too...so I'll add a dash of all that extra sticky baby dust I've got laying around! ;-)
Your so crazy! LOL! Can't say I haven't had the same feelings and mine is now officially over 1..I always let fear get me in the end!
i am already thinking about number two. though, not for along while.
it's charlotte's fault. if she wasn;t so cute....
You are so funny. It really is contagious.
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